Twisted DBZ Tales
by Professor Pimp
Summary: EXTREMELY DISTURBING AND FUNNY: Read if you dare. Involves my 2 favorite Characters in the Twilight Zone
1. Default Chapter Title

Twisted DBZ Tales SPECIAL: The Twilight Zone 

Disclaimer: I own nothing ok? ***************** 

You are about to enter the 'zone, where totally messed up things happen. Poor Vegeta, hes on the wrong place of the globe at the wrong time, for as his house has just been thrown helplessly into the 'zone. Watch closely as his family and friends turn his day into HELL ON EARTH 

***************** 

"Oh, I can barely get out of bed." Vegeta mummbled, as he pulled his rear out of his bed, but unaware that he has just begon his day in the 'zone, will he make it through? "Might as well get breakfast..." Vegeta thought. "Bulma? Trunks? Bra?" Vegeta said, searching for his family. He noticed a note on the refridgerator. "Dear Vegeta, me and Bra went out shopping, and Trunks is out with Goten. XOXOXO -Bulma" "What the hell does XOXOXO mean?" Vegeta thought. He walked over to the cabinet where all the dishes were held, when he tripped over a doll. "Arrg, how many times must I tell Bra to pick up her toys." Vegeta picked up the doll and through it across the room, it hit the well and said "Vegeta sucks!". "What the?" Vegeta screamed. "You heard me, ugly." Suddenly the doll grabbed a knife and through it at Vegeta (Chucky eat your heart out). Vegeta caught it without effort. 

"Listen you little Chucky ripoff, I dont know how you are doing this, but prepare to die!" Vegeta finally flashed it, blowing up the entire kitchen and the doll. A few seconds later... "Bulma is gonna kill me for this, but at least that little monster is gone." Vegeta thought. But that was just the beginning, for as Vegetas house flew deeper into the 'zone. And hours still remained before the test was over. 

Suddenly, a small figure walked in. "Hello Daddy!" the figure ran over to Vegeta, it was Bra! But before Bra reached him she disappeared. Then he heard her voice, "Im going to the evolution chamber to meet Han Solo!" "WTF!!!!!" Vegeta screamed, having no clue what was going on. Suddenly a flying monkey came out of nowhere and took Vegeta upstairs, a door labelled "Evolution Chamber" appeared, it had no door knob, but the fly monkey used its tail to open it, and they walked in. He noticed his daughter put a gun to her head, spin the chamber, and pull the trigger. *CLICK*. A man said "You won a million dollars, but you are also being fined for gun trigger abuse, for a million dollars." Vegeta noticed the room was set up as a gambling room, he noticed a table, a man tossed 2 Krillin heads to the table. "12, you lost!!!" 

"Hi daddy! I found this cute little kitty on the way in, I think it likes you!" Bra cheered happily. "Hey, that looks like one of those critters from that ancient game, what was it called, Star Crack, Start Craft.... Anyways, its one of those... Zergins, Zeflings, Zerglings yea thats it.... Wait a minute... AHHH!" Vegeta said, as the 'kitty' tour him appart. Suddenly a pimp appeared before Vegeta, "Like my fakeass gold chain son?" Suddenly, Vegeta and Bra were in black clothing, "Im going in" Bra said, in her cheerful 4 year old voice. She grabbed onto a rope that went down into what looked like a computer room. Vegeta jumped after he, and landed flat on his face. Bra jumped off the rope and landed on her father. Suddenly Vegeta went over to computer, wondering "Where am I?" 

Suddenly, a picture of that fat guy from Jurrasic Park came up said "uh uh uh! You didnt say the magic word! Uh uh uh! You didnt say the magic word!", Vegeta was getting impatient. Suddenly Bra was in a hot air balloon, Vegeta ran after his daughter and jumped in. "Where are we going!?" Vegeta pleeded. "To the moon!!!!" Bra said. "What!? There is no more moon!!!!" Vegeta said. "Yes there is, the King of Siberia launched a giant cheese into the air and it turned into the moon!" Bra said. 

Suddenly her tail grew back. "What the? Your tail was removed when you were born!" Vegeta said to Bra. Suddenly, the balloon exploded, and they fell to the ground, before they both it, they were taken to the planet Vegita. "What the?" Vegeta said, his daughter cowered behind him. "Prince Vegeta, you were to report to King Vegeta at once!" Said a guard. Vegeta walked into the castle. He was then in the Kings Chamber. A curtain blocked King Vegeta. "Son, I have something I want to tell you..." The King said, Bra was glued to her fathers legs. The curtain rose up suddenly... He noticed there were several Kegs of Miller Light around him, "ITS MILLER TIME!" King Vegeta said. "WHAT THE????" Prince Vegeta screamed. King Vegeta walked over to Bra, 

"Hey babe, hows about me and you get down tonight?" King Vegeta said, drinking 6 beers at once. Bra suddenly kicked King Vegeta and he King Vegeta yelled "You have defeated me, you are the new Queen! I am no longer Queen Vegeta, errr KING VEGETA, KING!!!". Suddenly numerous Saiyans came out and started singing "All hail Queen Bra!". Suddenly, "Hey daddy you can be my royal joker!" 

"NOOOOOOOO!" Vegeta screamed, as he woke up. "Huh, it was all just a nightmare..." Vegeta looked at the clock, it was 8:16. "Might as well get breakfast." Vegeta went down stairs, on the fridge was a note, the note, that started it all. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" THE END ***************** Authors notes: I hope you enjoyed this special, im sure you know by now who my 2 favorite characters are. Actually this is a story from a DBZ Twilight Series i was planning on submitting but it never really made it past 2 stories, id post the other one but I doubt anyone could read it without shuddering to death. 


	2. Chapter 2

Twisted DBZ Tales Chapter 1: It came from the closet 

Disclaimer: *Appears with a lawyer in back of him* Al..right.. I do not own Dragonball Z, Final Fantasy, Resident Evil, WWF, The Im gonna get you joke, or any other game/anime/whatever i refere to in this fanfic, if Iowned any of them id be sitting on a float in a pool of cash. Now onto the fanfic. 

*camera angle switchs, you see the lawyer pointing a ridicously large gun at me* 

Authors notes: I know this story is short, and don't get turned down by the voice at the beginning going "im gonna get you blah blah blah" because there is more to it. 

The night fell upon the capsule corparation building. The stars give little light as the moon once did. The whole vegita family was sleeping sound, except for one little girl... 

Bra hid under he covers, as a voice from the closet said "Im gonna get you and im gonna eat you!" Bra was frozen in shock. "Foolish mortal i will make you see-" "STARS" "and then some more!" 

"MOOOOOMMMMMMMYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!111111(OOC: AOL STYLE!)" 

Buruma rushed into the room, turned the light on, and found her daughter crying under her covers. "There are monsters in the closet!" Bra said. "Nonsense young lady, last time it was the scratching coming from the window, and it turned out to be the tree! There are no.. such.. things as monsters" Buruma said, and then said to herself "..besides Freeza and his henchmen, Cell, Buu, and all those other L@/\/\3RZ (OOC: AOL STYLE AGAIN!)" 

So they went back to sleep. Everything went well for the next 10 minutes until.. "Im gonna get you and im gonna eat you, and this time no one can help you HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHcoughcough" Within the next 5 milliseconds, the following events happened: A squirrel got run over, someone farted, and Bra screamed MOMMY aol style. 

Buruma walk in, slightly annoyed. "Bra there are no monsters in your closet!! Here want me to show you!!" 

Bra screamed "NO THEY WILL EAT YOU TOO" Buruma replied "Really..." she said as she openned the closet. Suddenly, the boy picking his nose, Sorceress Adel, a Nemesis and Tyrant fusion, the Rock, a cloud of anti-matter, the Protoss/Zerg Hybrid, Stalin, Jabba the Hutt, a swarm of green nanites, a 5 watt lightbulb, and GOD all swarmed out of the closet and attacked Buruma. 

"Human Blood!!!" "S.T.A.R.R.S" "No Humans you weak mortal, silence or the armies of Esthar will crush thee!" "...." "hi" "IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR BLOOD TYPE IS" "*buzz*" "SGJNDJKBDJKLDGSHGSDSDG" "Ok this is stupid lets go to the bar" Everyone: "YEA" and so the monsters walked away left Bra and Buruma who's clothes have been torn off entirely. "mommy what are THOSE *points to her mothers chest*" 

THE END 


	3. Chapter 3

Twisted DBZ Tales Chapter 2: Vegita vs. the yellow Gremlin.. 

Disclaimer: I dont own DBZ blah blah blah neither do I own pokemon blah blah blah you get the idea. 

Authors Notes: READ NOW *pulls out whip* 

Vegita sat down at the table, ready to eat, when he saw his son run into the house with Kakarottos brat. They were holding these red/white balls. "Son, put the sex toy down, and we will pretend this never happened" Vegita said calmly. 

"They aren't sex toys, they are Pokeballs! They hold pokemon!" Trunks replied, and released a pokemon from the Pokeball. Suddenly a yellow rat trying to act ridicously cute emerges from the sphere it was damned in. "Get that ugly little yellow gremlin out of my house boy, or ill take off my belt!" Vegita said, sickened by the mouse. "But.." "NO BUTTS!" Vegita takes off his saiyajin belt, and his pants fall down, revealing Pikachu boxers. "WHAT THE HELL!?!?!?" Vegita screamed, as the two children suffered from severe laughter at him. 

"PIKAKAHAHAHHA" The ugly gremlin laughed. "Thats it you damn mighty mouse wannabe!" Vegita said, and attempted to whip the mouse. "PIIIIKAAAACHUUUUUUUU!!!!" the mouse screamed as it let out a burst of electricity, and sizziled Vegita. "GOD DAMN OVER POWERED LAME MOUSE" Vegita said, powering up to SSJ and unleashing a Kiblast at pikachu, knocking it outside. Outside vegita launched a bombarding of kiblasts at pikachu, and then finished it off with a Big Bang Attack. When the smoke cleared, a large crater remained. 

Trunks and Goten followed him outside, and goten showed his pokemon.. 

"MEW!" 

THE END 


	4. Chapter 4

Twisted DBZ Tales Chapter 3: The Little Capsule Engine that Could 

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN DRAGONBALL Z, DONT NOW AND I WONT EVER! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!! Same with anything else i referred to in this story. 

Authors Notes: I got this idea when i was reading the little engine that could to my little sister. The capsule corp. train has been set to have the mental capabilities of a 5 year old. 

The wierd people are getting inside my tummy again. I dont like them wierd people. There are alot of them. One of them has this really spikey hair and wears an orange gi. Then theres someone with wierd hair that has big thich glasses. Then there is a guy who looks like guy with glasses. Then there is this crazy wild animal thing with black hair that is always screaming at those 3 guys and wears a china dress. I also see a girl with a ponytail and black hair, and a little girl who looks sorta like her. 

Then there are these other people. There is a guy that looks like a troll and is really grouchy. Then there is a lady with blue hair and is really old. And a guy with purple hair, and a little girl with blue hair in a dress. There are some other people like this bald guy with 3 eyes and a flying clown, and 2 yellow haired people with an ugly short guy. 

They all board me and I start moving. Its hard to move up on all these hills and these cheap rusty tracks. I could also go for a drink of oil. So i just think to myself "I think i can I think I can" and eventually I get over the hill. 

I get really thirsty for oil and the troll guy hops out kicks me in the teeth and calls me a cheap piece of S-WORD. The blue haired lady puts some oil and I can go again. So i just say to myself "I think I can I think I can". I remember hearing the blue haired lady read a book to the little blue haired girl, it was called "The Little Nuclear Warhead that could, but wouldn't", but I know I will, ill show that warhead whose the boss. So I just keep on thinking "I think I can I Think I can" When I get over the hill I go "I KNOW I CAN!!" and i go down the hill. 

Hey look some kids are playing on the traintracks. *WHUMP WHUMP* Whoops looks like they didn't make it in time. Hey look those people are putting coins on the tracks. *CHING* *SCREECH* *BAM* 

*** And so the little capsule corp. engine that could, couldn't and derailed, killing everyone inside and some evil force takes over the universe and everyone becomes the evil forces slave hahaahha hahahahahahahahahahahhaa *** 

"I thought I could!" 


	5. Chapter 5

Twisted DBZ Tales Chapter 4: Vacation of DOOM 

Disclaimer/Notes: Doom is a product of ID software, even though I dont even use the damn game in this fanfic, heh. Anyways dragonball is owned by TOEI, Akira Toriyama, or whoever the hell has it. This is probably my longest fanfic yet, it would be even longer if my damn cat would get the hell off my keyboard. 

*** The Goku and Vegita clans entered the ship. "Goku, do you think you could have bought tickets for a safer airplane?" Chichi asked, looking at the airplane which looked like something a 5 year old made with carboard boxes, plastic, and superglue. "This is the best we can afford since all I and our kids do is sit on our asses training, while you go PMS'in round the house!" Goku replied. "We could have asked Buruma and Vegita to buy the tickets!!!" Chichi said. 

So they dragged themselves on the airplane in contempt. Do to the planes condition it took 5 ours for the plane to successfully get off the ground, in the process a few farmer with shotgun impersonators got runover. 

So everyone sat and took their seats in the everyday fashion, as in Chichi and Goku, Videl and Gohan, Trunks and Goten, Buruma and Vegita, Bra and Pan, ect. 

Of course Buruma and Vegita faught and the seating changed to Chichi and Buruma, and Vegita and Goku. This of course arose the dawning of World War 3. "Kakarotto I told you NOT TO DROP YOUR PEANUT CRUMS ON MY LAP!" Vegita said. "MUNCH MUNCH- whafft? Wafnt sommn?" Goku replied showing Vegita what he hadnt swallowed yet. "Just shutup Kakarotto.... DAMN IT HEY I WAS EATING THAT!!!" "Uh oh spagettio.." "Listen just shut up." "are you gonna eat that?" 

"shutup.. Shutup.. SHUTUP" Vegita said. "Ok im going to 1st class." vegita added and walked behind the curtain. 

In first class, there were luxury seats, slaves fanning the people infront, a toy airplane hanging off the sealing which randomly dropped silver dollars, and some very odd people. Vegita saw some familiar, yet ugly faces, including Nemesis, Laguna Loire, a flying cloud of antimatter, the Antares, the Zerg Overmind and the hybrid, a lightbulb. There was also Emporer Ceasar, a Pimp and his ho's, a mountain of fake jewelry, Linux OS, a chat converstation of battle.net that reads:  heh this newbie is lagging  IM NOT LAGGING, I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW! as well as some other people. 

"Riiiight.." Vegita said, and turned around and headed to the bathroom to hide. He shut the door and the little sign switched to "Occupied". A few hours later a huge line had formed infront of the door. "Sir are you going to come out?" A man asked. "NO!" Everyone sweatdropped. A doctor asked "Are you constipated?" as he walked up to the door. Suddenly a beam of ki ripped through the door and right into the doctor. "Guess not.." were the doctors last words as he feel to the floor. 

Will everyone survive the vacation of DOOM (Copyright ID software)? Stay tuned for the next not so exicting episode of Dragon-ball-Z! 


	6. Chapter 6

Twisted DBZ Tales Chapter 5: Vacation of DOOM Part 2 

Disclaimer: i dont own anything ok 

Authors notes: *no comment* 

After the plane landed on whatever the hell island the Z characters were going to.. actually the plane didn't land it sorta.. crashed. No survivors besides the Z characters. 

"This place sucks" Trunks said as he walked out of the smoldering wreckage which was their ride. Buruma said "This isn't what the place looked like in the travel gui- VEGITA! BRA! STOP LOOTING CORPSES! - err anyways we could have crashed on the wrong island." 

"But the pilot said we were going to be landing in 5 minutes" Chichi said. "Lets just get to the hotel." someone said, I don't care who our what, someone just SAID IT OK!?!?!?! 

So they walked across the beaches, which had toxic waste barrels all over them, to a hotel. A neon sign with only 3 working lights 'flashed' "Baldguy Inn". It looked like a 3 floor house, and you would think it was normal if there weren't pieces of debris falling off of it, and a bunch of unconsious drunks lying around. 

They stepped into the hotel, registered in, and each family got is own room, which looked like a prison cell. That night, disaster struck in the Goku room. Little Pan woke up and had to use the potty, and guess who has to go with her... 

GOHAN GOHAN GOHAN GOHAN GOHAN GOHAN GOHAN GOHAN GOHAN GOHAN GOHAN 

"Alright Pan follow me." Gohan said, and the marched out of the room quietly. "How am I going to do this? I cant let her go into the girls room alone in a place like this!" They marched to the bathroom, luckly the hotel could not afford anything more than a '1 person at a time' room. 'Vacant' Gohan read, and sighed relief, but incase he took a peek in there.. "GOHAN!!!!!" Screamed an angry Chichi behind him. "WHY ARE YOU PEEKING IN THE GIRLS ROOM!?!?". Gohan replied "I-I-I was taking Pan to the restrooms". "Oh" Chichi said, and went back to bed. 

What will happen in Chapter 6? I dont know, im going to bed! 


	7. Chapter 7

Twisted DBZ Tales Chapter 5: Vacation of DOOM FINAL CHAPTER 

Disclaimer: If I owned any of the popular products or characters i mentioned in this fanfic I wouldnt be sitting around with my 42k modem typing up pathetic stories on the internet, would i? 

Authors notes: ITS GONNA END!! YES!! Someone has written the name of everyones favorite fatass from a certain playstation game all over the place, who did it? 

The scene opens with the 2 families at some golf course, some of the golf flags have peoples heads on them (ala Doom). Most of the golf balls the families were blessed with where broken in half. "Now Goku, after you hit the ball DONT THROUGH THE GOLF CLUB, poor Trunks is in critical condition thanks to you." Chichi lectured Goku as he tried to hit the golfball. "FOUR!" Goku said, and wacked the ball and through the golfclub anyways. The ball went out into space. 

"Whats that large object heading right towards us?" Pan questioned her mother. Suddenly that internation spaceship project thing came crashing down on the golfcourse. "Uhhh lets get back to the hotel" 

"Just let me hit this ball" Goten said, and wacked it, sending it flying into the horizon. 

*somewhere else* "Yes! Using cloning technology we have finally revived the wooly mammoth!" A scientist said. Suddenly the ball hits the mammoth in the head and kills it. "@#%@@%#%#%#%#%%#@#%" 

*MEANWHILE BACK WITH THE LOSERS* "Ahh its good to be ba-" Buruma was cut short when she saw the room. 

In blood, the words "MIKHAIL" were written all over the walls. Then, on the ceiling, a painting of Mikhail, with Buruma holding him, reaching with his fingers to touch Bra's fingers, who was painted in a space suit. Inbetween the tiny space between their fingers, yellow beams of light shoot out in many directions. 

(**Note: Mikhail is the wounded russian guy from Resident Evil 3, he was the mercenary who was benched in the trolley car most of the game. For those who aquired the Operation Mad Jackal subgame, you should reconigze him, for those who haven't play RE3, FOR SHAME) 

"WHAT IN THE WIDE WORLD OF DRUG DEALING IS THIS?" Vegita screamed, seeing the paper of some rather chubby guy and his wife. "BURUMA.." 

That was the last straw for all of them, first a freaky ass flight, then the hotel, then somebody painting a UBCS mercenary on the walls. 

"Lets get out of here" 3 people said at once. Everyone ran out of the hotel. Just as they were running out of the hotel, the hotel exploded and they all jumped and were sent flying by the force of the explosion (ala those action movies) 

After reaching the airport, they learned that the island was actually part of the BERMUDA TRIANGLE! Suddenly a huge triangle appeared over them all. Some cheap scifi music played, and they all took to the air and flew away. 

Finally they got back to Capsule Corp. 

"What a distrubing place.." Chichi said. "No more vacations for now." 

"Im just glad its all over" Buruma said. The Son family got their sorry asses out of there and everyone was at peace. Until.. 

"MOMMY!!!!" 

Buruma heard her daughter screaming. She ran up into her room... She saw Mikhail written all over the walls, and a painting of Mikhails face made out by the stars in the sky. DISTRUBING... 

THE END 


	8. Chapter 8

Twisted DBZ Tales Chapter 7: World War 2½ 

Disclaimer: shutup Authors notes: Revenge of the Pokemon, attack of the Car Thiefs, and a familiar person from my previous fics. Can you handle 3 insane stories for the price of 3857786124876141 (ahem walmart)? 

*** 

A dark figure is running down a ridicously long hallway. A flash of lightning reveals the figure holding a red/white ball object. 

The figure quickly opens a door and runs outside, before he goes into the forest he says 'Gotta steal em all." 

Elsewhere... 

"Happy birthday to you! You smell like a zoo! You act like a monkey, and hell you even have the tale of one too!" Everyone chanted as it was Goten's birthday. "How old are yo-" They chanted. Then someone out of knowhere said "shutup". "Who be the foolish mortal who dare intrupt thy birthday?" Goten said. "Me" said a figure, walking out from the darkness which is that little space behind the dresser. "I am-" Everyone began to tense foward... 

"ME!" The figure said, cackled, and ran away. 

Meanwhile, on the Eifell Tower. The figure we saw stealing the pokeball is about to drop it off the tower. Ash, Misty, and those other people are there, chanting "Dont do it!". "Haha!" The guy said. "Dont hurt my totally useless magikarp which took me 3 years to get!" Ash said, with tears in his eyes, "please.". The figure looked at Ash, his evil smirk went down, and then he replied "Let me think about it, no." And dropped the pokeball down the tower. 

Below.. A guy is stealing a car, when all of a sudden the pokeball hits him. "OUCH! Damn those pokemon trainers, thats it, this means war!" And he grabbed his stolen cell phone and called for reinforcements. 

Elsewhere.. "Have you gotten the report on the Z losers, i mean fighters?" A figure in the dark said. He had a deep, loud Eastern European accent. "Yes master." Said the guy who was at the party. "They seem to be throwing some sort of meeting plotting against us, they have code named it a 'birthday party'!". "Thats self explanitory slapnuts!" The hidden guy said. 

Meanwhile, at Capsule Corp. "Who was that guy at the party?" Buruma asked. "It could be the member of the mejin race I incountered when i was conquering worlds." Gokou said. "YOU ONLY WENT TO EARTH AND YOU BECAME A GOOD GUY ASSMASTER!" everyone said, sick of Gokou's stupidity and immaturity. 

Meanwhile in France.. A bunch of car thiefs are lined up, they have muskets with bayonets on the top. A few of them are in stolen cars with guns mounted on the tips. On the other side of that little arch thing Napoleon made, are the pokemon trainers, equiped with, well, Pokemon. "POKEMON TRAINERS!" yelled the leader of the Car Thiefs, "YOU ARE GOING TO CATCH THEM ALL ALRIGHT, CATCH ALL OF OUR BULLETS!" Then the two sides began running to each other, each yelling and screaming in a war cry. 

They ran closer and closer, just as they hit right under that arch thing, the scene flashes to.. 

"Loyal master who I worship daily." The guy who was at the party said, "my name is- Popcorn!" he finished. "I KNOW THAT!!!" Said the hidden guy, we will just call him butter for now. "Popcorn, I want you to go to capsule corp and spy on the Z senshi some more. Report back to me in 666 hours." Butter said. 

Back at the battle field... Corpses and the wounded are everywhere, the car thiefs and pokemon trainers still rage across the arch park in France. "Dont.. give up.. Bulbasaur.." Ash said, clutching a wound inflicted on his pinky finger. "Ash.. Bulbasaur.. is... sleeping..... yea thats it.. and he is... not.. coming back... for a little err while." Misty said. Meanwhile at the car thiefs "WHOA FOO DAT KITTY SCRATCHED UP MAH PIMP CAR" Some guy said, point his musket at that cat from team rocket. "To protect the world from outdated modems." "To update all computers with our buggy system!" "To give all people cable and DSL" "To extend our crashes to the stars above!" "Jesse!" "James!" "Team Windows blast off at the speed of sound!" "Surrender now or prepare to uhh, be found?" "Meowth (is that the cats name?) thats wrong you stupid pathetic morons!" 

Team 'Windows' Jesse and James now had the windows symbol on their uniforms instead of the R for Retard. All of a sudden a short little midget in a leather jacket, baggy jeans, and fake silver chains came from behind meowth and put a knife to his neck "Thats a nice charm on your forehead... 

...Run it!" The midget finished. Meowth took of the charm, gave it to the thief, and the thief ran away. 

Meanwhile... At Capsule Corp. "IM BAAAAAAACK!" Popcorn said, intruping the little meeting between our heros. "And guess what? Im going to rob you all!" Popcorn went over from behind Bulma. "Nice gold earrings, id like to have a pair of those!" Bulma got the picture and took them off. "Hi ChiChi, I heard you like to collect... precious golden pizza cutters!" Chichi handed over her pizza cutters. "OooooOoooOOOoh, those are some purdy necklaces you got their Videl." And Popcorn ripped them off her neck." Popcorn walked over to the kids. "Aren't you a bit to young to have such a big expensive gold necklace, Bra-chan?" "I love that bracelet Pan, I think ill borrow it for a little while, ill give it back to you when Ashes bulbasaur wakes up." And Popcorn ran away. The girls all said at once "GOKOU! VEGITA! GOHAN! TRUNKS! GOTEN! ANY OTHER BOY! WHY DIDNT YOU HELP US!" 

Meanwhile at my house.. All of the trademark characters from other games/movies/shows/ect., such as the overmind, a copy of Pirates Gold!, Nemesis, ect. are watching me type this fanfic. "Behold! Why havent you beholded the fact that you can behold me in your fanfic!" "..." "hi" "I am god" "hey guess what I can say more than just S.T.A.R.R.'s now! Besides I kill-" 

"Shutup!!!!!" 

Meanwhile at butters house. "Sir! Ive stolen their jewelry, just as you asked!" Popcorn said, and dropped the bag full of gold and silver and whatever. "Good, I am promoting you from janitor to.. guy who hands out towels!" "YES!!!!" 

Meanwhile at the battlefield in France.. "Sir! Yo momma is planning on launchin da missiles at the trainaz crib!" 

"Ill get revenge on my Bulbasaur... arm the giant "laser"!" 

"Proceed with the count'.. 5.. 4.. 10.. 666.. 163.. 1.. 0.. -1.. -2.." 

"Warning- There is not enough power- to activate- the system-" 

"-10, -11, -12, -13" 

"Battery- Connected. Railgun systems- activated. Prepare- to- fire" 

"FIRE!" "FIRE!" 

*THAT LITTLE PARK WITH THE ARCH IN FRANCE EXPLODES!* 

Meanwhile.. "Our jewelry has been stolen!" Chichi said, in amist of the chaos. "Oh well I can easily afford to buy you all what you lost" Bulma said. "OK!" The girls all said. All of a sudden Popcorn and Butter enter the room. "Ok time to reveal ourselfs." Popcorn reveals himself as... 

Meanwhile in France.. "Sir! The pokamo trainaz are gathering their bitchass forces!" "Ok send in mah homiez for reinforcements." All of a sudden at the crater that was the arch, the car thiefs and the pokemon trainers run toward each other Braveheart style, again. "Hey motherf#$#a! You killed mah dawg, with your little butterfly biatch!" 

Meanwhile.. "I am- THE GUY WHO WROTE MIKHAIL ALL OVER THE WALLS AND PAINTED THAT DRAWING OF MIKHAIL BRA AND BULMA!" Popcorn said. "OH MY GOD!" They all said at once. Then butter, stepped out of the darkness, revealing himself as, im sure you know who.. 

MIKHAIL! 

Meanwhile at my house.. "No way i killed that guy!" "No you didnt, he 

*spoiler for those who havent finished RE3* 

pulled the pin on a grenade in attempt to sacrifice himself to kill you, but his sacrifice was in vain because your are steriod taking biatch!" 

*spoiler over* 

"...but hes still dead!" 

Back at CC.. "I am going to tell you all a little secret. I have taken your jewelry and used them to make a weapon which is pointed at many different countries. My plot for world domination has begun!" Mikhail said. All of a sudden Gohan throws a punch at him, but Gohan breaks his arm, they suddenly notice a very badly made 'shield' of cardboard and plastic. "I could tear through that piece of shit anyday!" Vegita said. "NO you cant! This shield is actually made out of the substance which was in the rock Gohan used to break the Zed Sword! There is no way you can break through!" And Mikhail and Popcorn disappeared to pull off their world domination attempt. 

*** 

Will Mikhail and Popcorn take over the world? Will the war between the car thiefs and pokemon trainers end? Will the girls ever get their jewelry back? Stay tuned for the next exitting episode of.. oh shutup. 

*** 

Final notes: Hehe im sure you have all notice ive been putting alot of RE3 into the last few chapters. Dont worry I will move onto the rest of my 'characters that have nothing to do with DB" team. Expect chapter 7 real soon, it should hopefully finish up where this chapter left on! Once the twisted DB series is over, I will be moving to something more complex, in the mean time, go write your own fanfics for gods sake! 

THE END? 


	9. Chapter 9

Twisted DBZ Tales Chapter 8: World War 2½ Part 2 

Disclaimer: Go read my first disclaimer thats a good one. 

Authors notes: This takes place after Chapter 7, its going to get a bit strange, so be careful. 

*** 

April 3rd - Daylight 5 Days into WW2½ 

From the desk of JJ: 

My dawgz hav just 'pointed me as leader of this hood. On the other side with the pokeawhat playa hata's is lead by this faggot Ash! His momma owes me a dollar for the goodness I gave her last night! HHAHA! 

- 

April 3rd - Daylight 5 Days into the War with the Crimals From the desk of Ash: 

I can't believe it. Those car thiefs have allied with the pimp mafia and the drug dealers. We have allied with the pokemon breeders and team rocket, but I fear we are outgunned. I can't believe is been 5 days of this nightmare, ever since that guy dropped the pokeball on the car thiefs head... What happened to him anyways? 

- At the battle field.. Car thiefs, pimps, ho's, and drug dealers rage across the city of Paris against Pokemon Trainers, Breeders, and Team Rocket. Gunfire and pokemon attacks have left buildings in rubble. The body count has sky rocketed.. 

A chopper lands in the middle of the chaos, 2 figures step out, they are Mikhail and Popcorn. "What a beautiful day in the neighborhood, sir" Popcorn said. "Popcorn..... shut up! One more gay thing out of your mouth im going to feed you to the lions!" Mikhail replied. Just then enough wave of pokemon people and crime people started running toward each other, reinforcing their wounded comrades. "Ok lets carry out our plan.." Mikhail said. Mikhail headed to the criminals base, Popcorn went to the Pokemon People Base. 

Meanwhile.. "So what are we going to do about Mikhail?" Gohan asked. All the z fighters were sitting in a circle of chairs. All of a sudden the TV channel went from "Cooking with the Nanite and Castro" to a special news bulliten. "This just in, the beautiful arch park in France has been desimated by the raging Pokemon Trainer and Car Thief forces. The United States military and the French Military are going to... do absolutely nothing!" 

"Are those guys still fighting? I think its time to break it up!" Trunks said, and everyone nodded and went into a capsule car. 

--- At my house "Master, your making all 3 sides go to France!" "..." "Master are you ok?" "..." "Are you going to finish that coke?" "..." "Do you want some money" "yes" "..." "..." "..." "..." "...a moment of silence for Ash's Bulbasaur..." --- 

"Wow I could bust a cap with this blowstick!" Some gangsta said, holding up the new rifle Mikhail just sold to their organization. "You'll be busting rapid caps with this little beauty" Mikhail said, holding up a Gauss Rifle. 

- 

"Wow! Now we can stop watching out pokemon die with these new robotic pokemon with ridicously large guns!" A pokemon trainer said, holding up the remote to a robotic pokemon. "You will be able to nuke their base with the new MewTwothousand!" 

- 

The Z fighters arrive at the scene, as they get out of the car a rocket blows up the vehicle. "Um I think this was a bad idea" Videl said, dodging bullets being fired at light speed from the car thieves new Gauss Rifles. Meanwhile Pan and Bra were being chewed on by a small robotic pokemon. Everyone else was just, well, on fire. 

"Alright, we will devide into 2 teams to stop the warring nations. Team 666 will consist of me, goten, vegita, videl, bulma, chichi, pan, bra, trunks, and bulma. Team 2 will consist of Gokou" Gohan said. "Oh great.." "im hungry" "At least im with my babies!" "mine too!" "Pan stay close to mommy!" "Yea! Me and you Trunks!" "..." "..." "hi Pan!" "hi Bra!" "WATCH OUT!!!" All of a sudden one of those records from the 50/60/70's flies by like a frisbee, taking off the head of a car thief. "NOT RECORDS! AHH!" 

"Anyways, Team 1 will stop the fighting, while Team 2 will get us some food." 

Everyone but Gokou goes off to forfil their Job, but Gokou just goes into a building with "Les Miserables" flashing on the sign, following the trail of the smell of food. 

Elsewhere.. Mikhail is seen at a piano infront of a bunch of gangstas. "What if god was one of us. Just a slob like one of us.." "blublublublu-b-bblu, yablebleblebleee" Mikhail finishes his tune and the gangstas just sit there with a 'i need to kill someone' look. 

"Gotta go" Mikhail slips out of the door. 

-- 

"Hey want to know where you can get some free pokemon?" Popcorn said. "WHERE?" All the pokemon trainers replied. "See that little fort over there? There are a few gangsta's guarding some HUGE LEVEL pokemon! Oh well bye" Popcorn slips out the door. 

-- 

"Alright Popcorn, now time for plan E of out evil.. plan!" Mikhail said, Popcorn simply nodded. They step into a chopper and fly away. 

Meanwhile... 

"Keep on firing! Don't stop! Keep your finger on the trigger!" Said Chichi, she had all of her famed machine guns, uzi's, and rocket launchers. Videl, Bulma, Bra, and Pan all had shotguns and assault rifles and blah blah blah, hordes and hordes of robotic pokemon where coming, so many bullets were flying at once that not a single piece of the metal used to make the robotics hit the ground without having one bullet hole in it. The girls kept hidden behind overturned cars and debris. 

Meanwhile, all the boys where firing kiblasts at the hordes of Gangstas, the surronding buildings where all on fire and some planes where overhead dropping bombs. However the boys where outragously outnumbed. 

The hordes and hordes of pokemon approached the girls, they were getting closer and closer. 

Elsewhere.. Mikhail and Popcorn were in a large room. A worldmap with two different colors, red and blue, for the continents was on the wall. Most of the countries were blue, but some countries in Africa, Asia, and Europe had turned red. "Our plan is working, the world is slowly turning over to our side." Mikhail said. 

Just then the phone rang. Popcorn picked it up. "Sir, its the President of the United States!" 

Mikhail: Greetings. President: Your plan will not work. We have launched the missiles at your base. Mikhail: Oh already starting with plan B? President: Well I dont feel like sending in troops. Pressing a button is much easier. Mikhail: Actually you dont press a button, you and someone else turn 2 keys at the same time then you type- President: I know I know.. *hangs up* 

"What are we going to do about the missiles?" Popcorn said. Mikhail whispered something in Popcorns ear. A smirk grew on Popcorns face. -- 

How will Mikhail and Popcorn stop the missiles? Can the Z fighters stop the war in Paris? Will Gokou cry during Les Miserables? Stay tuned for the next not so exciting episode of Dragonball Z! 


	10. Chapter 10

Twisted DBZ Tales Chapter 9: Deader Zone Part 3 of WW2½ 

Authors notes: Mass Deaths in this one, people who are pregnant, have weak stomachs, ect. are adviced not to read this... Also, im not good at writing up fights, but the deaths here are pretty instant and gruesome. Also, I assume if Piccolo dies the Dragonballs on earth still exist. 

--- 

"The missiles will be hear in 5 minutes!" Popcorn said. Mikhail smirked and pressed a button on a computer. The ceiling openned up and Mikhail flew out. 

5 apocolypse class nuclear missiles were headed toward the desert base Mikhail and Popcorn were hiding in. Mikhail gathered energy, all of a sudden, a gold aura errupted around him. His green UBCS Mercenaries uniform turned into a plasteel armor. His assault rifle transformed into a Plasma Beam Rifle. His nametag went from plastic to platinum. Mikhail had gone Super Militiaguyjin. 

"DIE!!!!" Mikhail said. He launched genki damas at a rapid rate, and fired his plamsa rifle. The missiles, and half of Europe, was incinerated in the process. 

--- 

The girls were still behind cars. On the other side where the spark flying scraps of the robotic pokemon. The boys were surronded by the corpses of gangsta's. Just then the eifell tower collasped on the battle field. Twisted metal and debris suddenly feel. A sharp of metal hit Chichi in the chest, her limp body fell to the ground. 

Suddenly, the newest robotic pokemon model appeared.. Mew666. The robotic looked like Mew, but was made out of the same element Gohan used to the break the Zed Sword (aka the hardest element known). We are suddenly put into the point of view of the robot. The view is simular to the Predator's view from both movies. It spots a read spot in the shape of a man. "DESTROY" Mew666 beeped, and suddenly launched a knife of pure 'Hardest Element Known' (we will call it 'spam' for now). The spam knife hit a wounded gangsta in the back of the head, the knife went right threw, with the gangsta's brains and eyes going through. 

Suddenly more Z fighters arrived, Krillin, Tenshinhan, Yamucha, 18, Piccolo, Chaotzu, and even Mirai Trunks! 

They all approached Mew666. Just then Mew666 grabbed Chaotzu's neck. Mew666 squeezed it and crushed Chaeotzu's neck, then he hurled Chaotzu to the ground so hard his ribs ripped through his bone and skin. 

"CHAOTZU!" Tenshinhan said, and lashed at Mew666. Mew666 smashed Tien in the face so hard he looked like a cabbage patch doll. Tien fell to the ground, and Mew666 stepped on his head, crushing it and seeping his guts out. 

Goten and Trunks attacked Mew666 at the same time. Mew666 grabbed Goten by the nose and threw him at Trunks. They both were knocked back. Mew666 slowly walked over and punched Trunks and Goten who were on a piled on the floor, its fist went through both of their chests. Vegeta attacked Mew666 from behind, and put a dent in Mew666's hull.. 

Mew666 turned around and slapped Vegeta with the back of his hand. Mew666 began to bombard Vegeta's face with his fist, and Vegeta was out cold in seconds. Krillin launched a kienzan at Mew666, but Mew666 grabed it and threw it back at Krillin. Krillins head was taken off, and it rolled away with a look of horror on it at the kienzan hit him right on the neck. 

Mirai Trunks ran over to Mew666 with his sword, but the sword broke on Mew666's hull. Mew666 turned around and grabbed Mirai Trunks by the hair. It ripped Future Trunks' hair off, taking most of his scalp with it. Then M666 tossed FT into the air, and launched a large kiblast at him, Future Trunks was incinerated. 

Piccolo launched a kiblast at M666, but M66 appeared behind him. M666 put his hand up to Piccolo's head. Suddenly, a knife came out of M666's hand and went right threw Piccolo's head. 

Gohan was ready to burst with anger. His mother had been killed, his brother mortally wounded, his friends killed in vicious ways. Gohan powered up and burst into SSJ2. Gohan launched a huge kiblast at M666. M666 dodged the kiblast partially, but half of it was taken off. M666 suddenly grew a plasma rifle out of its arm and shot Gohan with it, the blast stunned Gohan. 

M666 approached Videl and Pan. Videl stood infront of her daughter, protecting her, and she got into a fighting stance. M666 smashed Videls literally in. Sensing Pan and Bra's powerlevel, he suddenly created 2 pokeballs, he trabbed the little girls inside them, and threw them to God knows where. 

Goten and Trunks got up, and fused into Gotenks. Gotenk took a good 5 minutes of insulting M666, before M666 lashed at it. Gotenks launched a kiblast at M666, but it was hapilessly knocked away. The kiblast hit Bulma, whos entire upper torso was incinerated. Gotenks went over to Gohan, who had just woken up. Gohan and Gotenks attacked M666, but Gohan got knocked away. Gotenks was pissed, and attacked M666, unfortunatly M666 used his fist to escort Gotenks to the afterworld, the force of the fist went right threw Gotenks chest, Gotenk's lungs, heart, and some other guts tumbled out of the back hole. Gotenks fell to the ground, dead. M666 quickly appeared behind 18 and put his fist through her mouth. 18 limped to the ground, in a bloody mess, and died. 

Gohan got up, and he walked over to the dead bodies of his mother and wife. He kissed his fingers and put his fingers on both bodies. Then he burst into SSJ3! Gohan launched massive kiblasts at M666, went the smoke cleared, all that remained was scrap. 

Suddenly, the scrap rose, and a cloud of green dust-like particles (nanites), reassembled M666 cell by cell! Within a moment, M666 was fully restored! "WHAT!?" was all Gohan could say. Gohan looked at Vegeta, who had gotten up, his face covered with blood. "We need Vegetto" Gohan said to himself. He looked over to the only building left standing, which Gokou had ran into... 

-- 

Gokou was literally in tears as he watched the play. The play had just ended, and Gokou sobbed and began to exit the theatre. At his seat were chicken bones, bags of food, and soda cups. Gokou walked out of the Theatre, and saw the disaster site. 

-- 

Mikhail looked at the world map. Now the entire map, besides larger countries like the US and Russia, were red. "We are almost completele" Mikhail said. "Not really, look at all that blue area" Popcorn said, pointing to the ocean. Mikhail said nothing. 

Suddenly, Mikhail reached over, grabbed Popcorn by the head, and crushed his skull with his bare hands. The corpse of popcorn dropped to the ground. "Idiot." 

-- 

"FATHER! WE NEED VEGETTO!" Gohan said, as he began to fight with M666. Gokou saw the dead bodies of all his family members and friends, everyone was dead besides himself, Gohan, and Vegita. Gokou walked over to Vegita and helped him up. "Vegita, we need to fuse, I can sense the power of M666, I cannot beat it without your help." Gokou said. "I understand Vegita said." They put on the potara earrings and fused. When the energy cleared, Vegetto stood, with a smirk on his face. 

Gohan was having little luck with M666, he was getting knocked around. Bones in Gohans body were breaking like twigs trying to hold up a 747 jet. "I will not let you win.." Gohan said, he held up his fist which began blazing, but was knocked to the ground before he could use it. M666 descended and grabbed Gohan by the collar of his shirt. 

Mew666 took its fist and jammed in into Gohans mouth. The fist went down into Gohans stomach, and depositted an egg there. Mew666 took its fist out and dropped Gohan, who was stunned. Then, Vegetto came from knowhere and knocked M666 with planet shattering force. A large gaping hole in M666's chest formed. Vegetto powered up a Big Bang Kame Hameha and blew M666 to scrap. 

The nanites formed and began to regenerate M666. "No you dont.." Vegetto said, and burned the robots to oblivion. They split the fusion. 

Silence.. nothing but silence. A gust of wind blew the dust of a building down the road. Vegita and Gokou scanned over the corpses of their loved ones. They had all died such gruesome deaths. The gangstas and pokemon trainers were nowhere in site. Vegita went over to a piece of scrap belonging to Mew666. On the scrap was the symbol which was on Mikhails armor... Mikhail... 

Gohan slowly got up. His stomach didn't feel that good, his face was bloodly, his legs and arms were broken, and his skull was cracked. 

The knew they had two mission objectives, kill Mikhail and revive the dead. Gohan mumbled something. "What is it Gohan?" Gokou said. "Pan and Bra might be alive..." Gohan replied, "M666 threw them somewhere, im worried what might happen if Mikhail gets to them first..". 

Vegita went off to gather the Dragonballs. He was pretty pissed off, but knew there was nobody to fight until the Dragonballs were found, and if Mikhail is found too. 

-- 

Mikhail was in his chopper, above the ocean. His plan worked perfectly, the Z fighters attempted to stop the war between the pokemon trainers and gangstas. The Gangstas and Pokemon trainers killed each other. And, the super weapon Mew666 killed most of the Z fighters. He would have to kill Gokou, and Vegita himself. Gohan was already doomed. M666 had also threw Pan and Bra to the dropoff point. Mikhail aproached the dropoff point. 

The chopper set down on a rocky island. 2 pokeballs sat in the grass, they constatly jumped and rumbled as their contents tried to escape. Mikhail grabbed the two pokeballs and got back into his chopper. 

-- 

Gohan sat inside the Capsule Corp. Building. All of a sudden, he vomitted without warning. Gohan fell to the floor, clutching his stomach. His strength was drained, his stomach felt like it was inflating like a balloon. He heard a pop, and felt the acids of his stomach fly onto his interds. A burning sensation went through his body. Before Gohan collapsed, he saw a strange worm emerge from a hole in his stomach. "An alien ripoff?" was Gohans last thoughts. 

The worm got outside and burrowed deep into the ground. Gokou had just walked into the house when he saw a site which make him go into a stroke. 

-- 

Vegita had gathered all the Dragonballs. The dragon appeared before Vegita. "What are your wishes?" Shenlon roared. "I wish for everyone who was killed by Mew666 to be revived." "Your wish has been granted." "I also wish for immortality!" Vegita said. "Um no." The dragon said, and it pimpslapped Vegita and disappeared. 

All of the people killed by M666 appeared infront of the Capsule Corp. Build. Gokou walked out of the house in tears, when he saw Gohan who had been revived too, and Gokou just cheered up and blah blah blah they hugged and kissed. Until an explosion was heard. They all turned around to see the Capsule Corp building in flames. A flame burst through a class window, suddenly the ground began to rumble... 

*** 

Everyone is back, but what is happening to Capsule Corp? What about Mikhail, what is he going to do about Bra and Pan? Stay tuned for the next ridicously violent episode of Dragonball Z! 


	11. Chapter 11

Twisted DBZ Tales Chapter 10: Deadest Zone Final Chapter of WW2½ 

"My house is on fire!" Screamed Bulma as Capsule Corp. burst into flames. Suddenly, a figure appeared behind Chichi, covered her mouth, and pulled her away without anyone noticing nor caring. 

Suddenly the ground began to rumble. Then, out of nowhere, a much large version of the creature that ripped from Gohan's stomach appeared. It resembled a giant worm, but it had 2 large claws, and its tail end had 5 foot long spikes. The worm attacked some people and went underground. "DIE!" Vegita said, and blew up the spot where the worm had gone into. When the smoke cleared, a giant crater remained. 

Meanwhile in France.. A strange silence fell over the area wear a war was faught. Corpses, scraps of metal, and craters were everywhere. A large crated was in the middle of the battlefield, inside it was the destroyed Mew666. 

Suddenly, a gunshot was heard, and another. In a few moments, huge waves of pokemon trainers with their pokemon and gangstas rushed toward each other and clashed in the middle. 

--- 

2 hours later.. 

The Z fighters stood infront of Capsule Corp. They were trying to locate Mikhail. "Hey wheres Chichi.." Bulma pointed out. 

At Mikhails HQ. 

Mikhail sat on a large cushion chair, you know one of those ones where the evil guys sit on and it rotates around. He stared at the world map, it was just about entirely red. He pressed the button on his phone. "Get me some more spagetti Chichi!". 

Chichi on the other end sighed, if it wasnt for the 3 guards pointing rifles at her, she would have snapped. She then realized it was time to do it. She took out a knife, and with a quick stroke, she cut the head of her opponent off. A red liquid spewed from the remains. 

"Why do they make these sauce bottles so hard to open?" Chichi said, pouring out the sauce onto the spagetti. 

--- 

"Hey Ive found Pan and Bra's ki!" Goten screamed, pointing in a direction. Everyone took off to that direction. 

--- 

Chichi brought the Spagetti into Mikhails room, she made sure that Mikhail saw the spagetti before he saw her. After setting it down, Mikhail muffled thanks, and out of knowhere, he took out a broad sword and sliced Chichi into half with a quick stroke. The two halves of Chichi fell to the ground, both dead. 

--- 

The Z fighters landed outside Mikhails HQ. They burst through the door, and headed towards Pan and Bra's kis. A few guards tried to stop them. Piccolo powered up and lashed at one of the guards. The guard openned fire on Piccolo, but the bullets were ineffective. Piccolo punched the guard in the face, which crushed his skull. The other guard attempted to stab piccolo, but Trunks came from behind and snapped his neck. 

The Z fighters burst into another room, and found Bra and Pan inside little glass tube things. They got them out and went into Mikhails room. "Your plan for world domination ends right here." Tenshinhan said. "Really.." Mikhail said. He stood up, turned around, wielded his assault rifle, and shot up Tenshinhan. Tenshinhan fell to the ground in a pool of blood. 

Piccolo and Chaotzu attacked Mikhail. Mikhail turned around and with a swift kick and broke one side of Chaotzu's ribcage. Then he drop kicked Piccolo in the chest, Piccolo fell to the ground, but got up again. "Alright enough play." Mikhail said. Suddenly a gold aura burst around him, as he transformed into SuperMilitiaguy-jin. With his plasma rifle, he incinerated the other half of Chaotuzs body. Then he turned around and put a large hole in Piccolo's stomach. He charged up a Big Bang and turned Piccolo into a pool of purple blood and green scraps of skin. 

Gohan attacked Mikhail, but Mikhail turned around and knocked Gohan upside the head. Gohan fell to the ground. Goten attacked Mikhail but Mikhail judo chopped Goten on the neck, cutting off the blood flow to Gotens head temporarly. Goten fell to the ground out cold. 

Vegita and Gokou fused into Vegetto. Vegetto fired a Big Bang Kame Hame Ha at Mikhail. Mikhail launched a Genki Dama at the attack, both attacks cancelled out each other. "Alright enough of this." Mikhail's armor suddenly turned into that which was on M666. His plasma rifle went from slow fire to rapid fire. His nametag went from platinum to plutonium. He had just gone SMJ2. 

Mikhail teleported behind 18. He grabbed Krillin and bashed 18 off the head with him. Krillin fell to the ground with a gaping hole in his chest. 18 turned around and launched a kiblast at Mikhail. Mikhail knocked away the kiblast and grabbed 18 by the collar. 18 struggled to get free, but Mikhail tossed her into the air, and punched her so hard her ribcage tore through her skin. 18 was dead instantly. 

Mikhail smirked, and appeared behind Gohan. Gohan turned around and punched Mikhail, but Mikhail punched Gohan harder, and Gohan fell to the floor, crying in pain. Mikhail took out his plasma rifle and shot Gohan in the leg. Gohan tried to get up, but his legs broke and tore through his skin. Mr. Satan, Buu, and Ubuu arrived at the scene. "More people to kill." Mikhail said, smirked, and teleported behind Mr.Satan and Buu. Before either of them were able to react, Mikhail bashed heads into their shoulders. Ubuu rushed at Mikhail, and kiblast him. Mikhail was knocked to the ground by the blast, but he got up and grabbed Ubuus Mohawk. With his other hand, Mikhail chopped Ubuus mohawk off, but a little to short. Ubuu fell to the ground, the entire upper half of his head gone. 

Mikhail saw Buu struggling to get up. Mikhail punched Buu in the stomach, but Buu's fat absorbed the punch. Mikhail launched a kiblast with the same hand, which tore through Buu, leaving a the corpse of Buu and behind it, a bloody mess of guts. 

Vegetto attacked Mikhail, and punched his armor. A large dent appeared in Mikhail's armor. "Not you again, sigh time to go.." Mikhail said. Suddenly the aura around him turned from gold to platinum. His armor became thicker, a bayonet of diamond appeared on his rifle. The UBCS symbol on Mikhail disappeared, and was replaced with a star made out of silver. Mikhail wacked Vegetto into a wall with his fist. Mikhail then turned around when Bulma and Videl were hitting him on the back of the end. Mikhail swung around with his fist. His fist hit Bulma first, and went right threw her, splitting her into 2. His fist made it halfway through videl, who was killed anyway. 

Trunks and Goten fused Gotenks again. Mikhail grabbed Gotenks by his jacket and threw him into the air. When Gotenks started coming down, Mikhail flew up and bashed gotenks in the chest. The force made the blood vessels and guts in Gotenks tangle up, mortally wounded Gotenks as the blood flow in his body stopped. Mikhail threw Gotenks to the ground, where the force caused Gotenks' bones to pierce his inerds. 

Vegetto got up split the fusion. Vegita and Gokou attacked Mikhail from behind. Mikhail turned around and grabbed Vegita by the head. Mikhail squeezed Vegitas head until his skull cracked and his brains seeped out. Then Mikhail threw Vegita's corpse into the air, and launched a kiblast at it. The Prince of the Saiyajins was now the prince of the dead. Gohan managed to fly up, his body was broken. Gokou went SSJ3, but he wasnt at full SSJ3 yet. Gohan attacked Mikhail. 

"Hehhahahaha" Mikhail said. He punched Gohan in the face, which made the front side of Gohans skull pretty much flat. Gohan grabbed his face in pain. Mikhail punched Gohans right arm from the hand. The arm was pushed into Gohans body Gohans hand was replacing his shoulder. The arm bones went right threw some of Gohan's inerds, including his lungs. Gohan fell to the ground, and he slowly stopped breathing. 

"You killed my family. You killed my friends. You killed everyone!" Gokou said, enraged. Suddenly, he burst into full SSJ3, and attacked Mikhail. With one punch, Gokou's fist went threw Mikhails armor. Mikhail swung his fist at Gokou, which knocked him off. Pan and Bra who were watching in the fight in terror, managed to run away. The HQ began to collapse, and debris fell on both of them. Pan and Bra were hit by falling debris and were trapped. 

Gokou used his fist and Mikhails face to simulate London during World War 2. Mikhail was knocked out of SMJ3. Mikhail counterattacked with a kiblast, but Gokou knocked it away, and launched the ultimate KameHameHa at Mikhail. Mikhail was incinerated instantly. Gokou dropped out of SSJ3, exhausted. Gokou drifted into sleep. 

--- 

In the room where the battle was faught, a strange ship lands. A gang of people, critters, and objects emerged from the ship. One of them walked over and kicks Gokou in the head, waking him up. 

"Uuhhh, who are you..?" Gokou asked, half asleep. "My name... 

Professor Pimp! These people you see around me are my ho's and slaves. They serve me unquestionably. I have sent Mikhail to test your strength, and one of my operatives started that gay war between my brothers and the Pokemon trainers. I have revived all your friends and family, blah blah blah *drones on forever*" 

..And so everyone is revived yeah yeah boohoo that was so sad, but it did make an interesting show." And so everyone killed in the battle with Mikhail was revived, and they Professor Pimp flew off with his nonsense characters back to their HQ, the artificial ghetto. 

The War has ended, everyone is happy blah blah blah. 

..But Professor Pimp and his slaves still lurk, will the DBZ fighters ever be able to rest peacefully again..? 

Let me think about it.. 

no. 

THE END 


	12. Chapter 12

Twisted DBZ Tales Chapter 11: Mickey who? 

Authors notes: With the P senshi (pimp senshi) on the loose, will the Z senshis visit to Disney land be turned into World War 3 itself? YES!!! 

Disclaimer: I dont own DBZ or disney, you know the drill. 

--- 

Plane bound to Florida... 5 days after Mikhails death 

The Z senshi sat in their seats in 1st class, strangely they found fake jewelry on their seats. Vegita got a few encrested on his buttimus maximus as well. Anyways they all did their thing, until the plane went into turbulance. 

"This is your captain speaking.. We have re ended another plane and the engine of our plane has gone off line and we are losing altitude faster than a cannonball being dropped off Sears Tower.. Please don't pan-" Before the captain could finish, the plane smashed into the water and shattered. Due to their strengths only the Z senshi survived, and they found they had landed in that big lake at disney land! 

And so they wen't to that polynessien hotel and stayed in a seperate rooms. It was late so they all fell asleep. 

The next day they went into the Park. They were about to go into space mountain when they heard an explosion! 

The z senshi turned around while their wives and young children ranway like kicked puppies. Right above a large futuristic display screen was a monster. The monster resembled a praying mantis, but it had a human face besides mantibles, and it stood upright like a human. The display screen under him said: 

Name - Pest Occupation - Evil Guy Mission - Take over the world, boring 

The Pest attacked the Z senshi. Vegita went SSj2 and smashed him around. Then the pest launched these little egg pods onto the ground, and smaller pests hatched from them. They swarmed over Vegita and bit him. Vegita fell to the ground, bleeding badly. 

The other z fighters powered up and prepared to attack. 

--- 

Meanwhile, at the dark alleys of Toon Town.. 

A bunch of gansters leaned behind the darkenned alley, they darkness only showed the whites of their eyes, and a red and white ball object which they had apartently stole. One of them said "time to finish off dem playa hatas!" 

--- 

Ash, Misty, and that guy with no eyes were walking around Toon Town looking for whatever pokemon they a) had which was worth alot of money. b) had which was powerful c) had which was weak, pathetic, but so cute they couldn't give it up. 

"Where did those thieves go?" Ash said. "Must be those gangsters again, this means war!" Misty said, and pulled out some assault rifles, rapid fire low recoil handguns, 120mm anti tank guns, and good old fashion 6 inch combat knives. That other guy (whats his name Bruk?) pulled out some brass knuckles. 

--- 

Goten, Vegita, and Piccolo lashed at some of the Minipests. The pests started to bite Goten. Suddenly one bit Goten on the neck and injected some kind of venom in Gotens body. Badly weakened, Goten fell to the ground in pain an agony. Piccolo judo chopped one of the pests, and it got its head ripped off. Vegita smashed one pests face so hard its mantibles fell off and its eyes popped out. 

Gohan gave his brother a senzu bean, but Goten just groaned as if it made it even worse. Suddenly Goten got up, his eyes turned red, his teeth turned into platinum, and a cane with a golden object on the top appeared in his hand. Goten used the cane to knocked Gohan unconsious. "Son! What are you going!" Gokou screamed so loud a few old ladies lost their pacemakers. 

"Shut da hell up!" Goten said. "What?" Gokou said back. "You heard me, shut da hell up before I knock yo ass down and take your chain!" 

Gokou looked down and saw he wasn't wearing a chain, but he knew one thing, he had been infected with the dreaded professor pimp virus, and he was going to turn into one of Professor Pimps pimp students unless Gokou: 

a)Killed him b)Found an antidote c)Ended the fanfic before he could finish transforming 

--- 

Ash Misty and Bruk spotted the thieves in the dark alley. Suddenly the thieves emerged, tossed the pokeball asside, and pulled out switch blades, poisoned throwing knives, and brass knuckles. The two gangs lashed at each other. Ash was stabbed, a ganster was shot, Misty got impaled and poisoned, and Bruk ran away like a sissy. 

--- 

Trunks jumped before Goten and in an annoying soapopera style he said "Goten, please, im your best friend! DONT DO THIS TO US!" Goten reached over, grabbed Trunks, and put his hand up to Trunks face. Suddenly the hand began to absorb Trunks' power. Trunks fell to the ground in a pool of blood, half dead. 

Goten began to mutate further. A pink feathered had appeared on his head, and large pink boots and a pink caddy also took upon him. Gokou ran over to Goten and smashed his face. "MAH BEAUTIFUL FACE! HO ASS BITCH!" Goten said, and rammed his cane into Gokou. The cane broke, and Goten used the broken said to impale Gokou. Gokou with his last bit of strength did a suicide kiblast which incinerated both of them. 

The pests swarmed over the rest of the Z senshi. Vegita began launching mad kiblasts at all of them. Vegita drained all his power and fainted, while half of the pests turned into radioactive ash. The other pests swarmed over Vegita, and started to chew on his body. All of a sudden Bulma appeared with a Capsule Corp. Delux Liquid Nitrogen Grenade Launcher, and froze both the pests and the chewed up body of Vegita. Then she took out an assault rifle and shot them all up, shattering them. Seeing that she killed her husband she fell to the ground in tears, and took out a knife and slit her neck. 

Suddenly, the magical mickey mouse came over and revived all the Z senshi... then it turned into a 30 foot tall mutant godzilla like mouse and began to crush buildings and people. 

Chaotzu and Tenshinahan FUSED into Tenshinzu, and he attacked Mickey. Mickey roared which shattered a few windows, and blew Tenshinzu to the ground. Mickey swung his tale and knocked over a building, and with his long claws he slashed Tenshinzu into chicken cutlets. The sections of Tenshinzu fell to the ground. 

Vegita, Piccolo, and Ubuu began to punch Mickey in the head, but they were swatted away like flies. Mickey roared and became taller. 

Ash, Misty, and Bruk who had recovered from their assault (Although all their jewelry and money was stolen) ran to the scene of the incodent. Ash called out Pikachu and he did a thundershock on the fellow mouse. Mickey launched a Kamikaze Censored Attack, and incinerated Pikachu. "PIKACHU!" Ash screamed like a school girl who had found a cluster of maggots in her lunch box. Ash's hair turned gold and spikier, his voice became less irriatating, the red spot on his hat turned gold, and his boots became dock martins. He had just gone Super Pokeman. 

Gohan and Ash tried to attack Mickey, but Gohan was slashed in the face. "I SHALL GET REVENGE ON MY PIKACHU!" Ash said, and he launched a kiblast at Mickey. Mickey roared, then a much larger kiblast was counterattacked, Ash was torn into 3 sections by the blast, and they fell to the ground in unistion. 

Misty punched Mickey in the groin and Mickey roared and coughed up blood. Misty kicked his balls again. 

With a great big roar Mickey fell to the ground, landing on Misty. Gokou went SSJ3 and decapitated the monster with a kiblast. 

Bruk said "I shall give my life to revive my friends" and everyone who was killed besides Misty because shes annoying appeared. Everyone hugged and had fun. Bruk disappeared and Ash ran away. 

--- 

The next day they left left Disney land. Vegita did not like the taste of the food there so he launched a large kiblast at the park. The park was turned into a crater of magma and debris. 

Suddenly, the planes engines stopped, and it began to loose altitude. The Z fighters noticed they were the only ones on the plane.. and it was going down fast.. 

--- 

Where will the Z fighters land? Will they be involved in another battle of gruesome and senseless violence? Find out next time.. 

TO BE CONTINUED.. 


	13. Chapter 13

Twisted DBZ Tales Chapter 11: Massacre Island 

The plane was heading toward the ground like a paper airplane set on fire. The plane constantly did barrel rolls and flips until it finally smashed into a small tropical island. Dirt and trees piled up infront of the aircraft, and the emergency doors openned. 

"Why are our planes always crashing?" Gohan said, not noticing the name of the airlines was "Eurotech Mechanics". Then they found out that the fact that the engine was made in europe was not the reason it crashed.. 

On the left wing of the plane, a plant like creature had covered the entire wing. Vines had grown through the steel plating and into the jet engines. A head emerged from the plant.. it was The Pest itself, but horribly mutated. 

"Not that son of a-" Goten started, but was cut off when a vine shot threw his stomach like a shotgun shell threw a piece of paper. Goten clutched the wound and fell to the ground, launching a kiblast at the vine and successfully cutting it off his body. 

Chaotzu rushed to the aid of Goten, but a root tripped him. Chaotzu tried to get up, but a large vine wrapped around him. The vine squeezed Chaotzu, until Chaotzu's ribs broke and his inerds were in the same condition as most eggs after halloween. 

"Chaotzu!" Gokou said, and ran to the aid of the little mime. The pest revealed a sucker like object on one of its vines, and in a Cell like fashion, grabbed Gokou and sucked him up. 

The head of the Pest popped off the plant, and the plant turned brown and died. At the bottom of the head the Pest grew a small and like body, only he was able to stand upright. The exoskeleton of the carapace was as hard as titanium. 

Vegita layed a good punch on the body of the Pest, and green blood sprayed from the wound. The acid blood burnt Vegitas hand, and Vegita grabbed his wound and fell. 

With its razor sharp claws, the Pest turned around and with a swift manuever, slashed Tenshinhans head cleanly off. With its other claw, he sepperated Tenshinhans upper torso and lower torso. 

Vegita got up and went SSJ2, he launched a kiblast at the Pest. The pest knocked the kiblast away, and fired a bigger one at Bulma, Chichi, and Bra. Vegita tried to save them from the blast, but they were all incinerated. Vegita said nothing. His armor burst under his power, his spandex began to rip, his hair became much longer and spikier, and his eyebrowsdisappeared. His power still went up, even though he was in SSj3 mode, which had made Gokou lose some power. 

Vegita was about to stop, when he saw the smoldered wedding ring of his wife lying in the crater of the kiblast, then he burst into a ring of plasma, and his resemblence became much like USSJ and SSJ3 combined. 

Vegita instantly launched a kiblast so large it was about the size of the planet neptune, most of it was in space. He launched the kiblast at the Pest, the bottom part incinerating it, while the rest orbited earth twice, destroying any satelites, spacestations, and even the moon which orbitted the Earth. The kiblast finally went into space, and eventually destroyed a nearby solar system. 

"Um Vegita such a large kiblast was not needed.." Kuririn started, but did not finish due to Vegita grabbed him by the neck and twisting his head until it popped off like the cork of a wine bottle, blood splattering everywhere. Vegita was in pure rage... 

"ARHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHH! GRRRRRRR!" Vegita said. Suddenly Vegita belched. "Errr excuse me, but it wouldnt come out, oh and that creature died and my wife and daughter were killed? Oh well we will just revive them with the dragonballs." 

"WHAT? You mean you werent in pure rage when you went beyond SSJ3 and destroyed the pest and nearly the entire solar system?" Trunks asked. 

"Well.. no. You see whenever I have a belch that wont come out, I strain and go into pain and try with all my power to get it up" Vegita said. 

Everyone else had just died of a heart attack, and Vegita gathered the Dragonballs and wished everyone back... 

And so the island adventure begins!!!! 

Everyone asked Vegita about his little burp problem, so Vegita began with a story.. 

--- 

A long long time ago, when I was just a Prince on planet Vegita.. 

I was out in the backyard of the Palace, when I accidently kicked the head of a common-ERRR.. I mean "softball" over the fence. I went to retrieve the ball, and hopped the fence to my neighbors yard. My neighbors name was Loonie Bum Leo, his name is just Leo but for some reason he wants us to call him that. Anyways he caught me and took me into his house. From the way Leo dressed with his patched up pants and torn shirts, and the cheap ugly paint and wallpaper on his 2 room house, he was obviously a bum. 

He gave me a soda and told me to drink it. I said no, but he had a mean looking stick, so I drank it. Suddenly my stomach felt wierd. He told me I would have trouble burping, but I would gain tremendous power when I was in that type of pain. So he let me out and I went home. We moved to a new palace the very next day. 

Then one day, I was done drinking a soda when I couldnt belch but I had to. My power skyrocketed and I killed a few of the elite saiyajins and one of the Ginyu force members, who was replaced with Gurudo. 

--- 

"And thats my story" Vegita said, everyone just gave him a disturbed look. So later on everyone just flew back home and never talked about the story again. 

THE END 


	14. Chapter 14

Twisted DBZ Tales Chapter 13: Vegita vs. Freeza's Gang  
  
Authors notes: Nothing to tell you about, although there is alot of  
OOC in here due to the fact that Vegita would probably be using Kiblasts.  
Take the plot with a grain of salt, and read sharply for the tiny tibits  
of humor hidden well inside here.  
  
---  
  
Vegita openned the letter in the mail which he had gotten, he had never  
gotten a piece of mail directed to him before. He openned it, and printed  
in blood was "Freeza's Gang wants to see YOU at.." A small X marked the spot  
on a nearby island. Vegita grabbed his sawed off shotgun and shells, and headed  
to the island.  
  
Vegita stood before what looked like a mansion. The front gate was locked, Vegita  
set the bomb and watched the fireworks.  
  
***WE ARE NOW AT VEGITAS POINT OF VIEW**  
  
I entered the Freeza gangs little shack with a bang, literally. Some guards  
armed with blaster guns were attracted by the explosion. We exchanged seasons  
greetings, a couple of bullets flew, but the guards decided to lay down because  
they were feeling dead. I continued into the garden which was before the mansion.  
There were alot of gauss rifle shells and laser beams eager to unload themselves  
into me. The garden was a bit overgrown, oh boy would I like to meet its gardener.  
  
I didn't, but I met alot of interesting people. I guess the homocidal maniacs  
club had declared open season on me. I haven't felt comfortable in a garden sincce.  
Halfway though the garden, I walked onto a pile of leaves, which collapsed under  
my weight. I fell into a dark underground tunnel. I headed down the tunnel when  
I smelt something bad. I turned around to see a rather large in girth fellow  
behind me. He didn't even looked like he wanted to hurt me, he was folloing me around  
like a puppy dog. I would have let him follow me if it weren't for the fact that he  
smelled worse than me and Kakarotto after a good spar. My shotgun was a out of ammo,  
so I had no choice but to headbutt the guy into eternity, which was extremely nauseating.  
I just hope they had deoderant where he wound up.  
  
I found a ladder and got the hell out of there, the unconcious body of the fellow was  
filling up the cave with a smell worse than all the dead cows in the world. I reached  
the front door to the mansion. It was locked. I banged on it hard, but it wouldn't budge.  
I was about to go SSJ and blow it to pieces, when a trap door openned from under me.  
I fell down for what seemed like forever, and hit a ledge beside a door. I went to the  
door and openned it.  
  
The guard at the small room I had entered seem to like punching air. His stance was all  
wrong. I would tell him how, but I decided better if I showed him how. I punched him  
so hard that he flew right onto a wall.. and his head hit a secret mechanism! The wall  
openned in a circle fashion, and I jumped in. The guards unconsious body however was  
inbetween the path of the two walls...  
  
I found a crank in the hidden room, and headed back to the previous room, walking over  
the two sections of the body. I noticed the hole on the side of the grandfather clock which  
rested in the room. The crank and clock joined in wedlock. They were so grateful they  
showed me a secret passage behind the clock! I headed down the passage and into what looked  
like a shooting gallery. There wasn't much in the gallery however, so I went through a nearby  
door, and found a whiskey room. The smell of the alchohol was getting to me, but I found a  
key in the room. I headed back to the gallery...  
  
A suprise was waiting for me there. He was fat and wearing undershorts, tottering in front of  
the gallery door, drinking something that looked lethal. His eyes had given up as working as  
a team, but one of them saw me. The drunk couldn't have attacked me even with my help. I gave him  
a whiskey bottle which I found in the previous room. He drank it and he was out like a light.  
He had a nice gauss rifle with plenty of bolts. I headed to a nearby stairwell.  
  
I was obviously near a kitchen. A cook wandered right by me, I noticed that he was trying his  
hardest to keep away from the nearby statue, which had a gun pointed at a fixed position in the  
room. The cook went into the kitchen. I walked down the room when I heard a click, I had just  
set off the statue. Its gun turned to me, when the cook stupidly walked in front of me. The  
gun fired, and bullets pierced the cooks white suit. The cook fell to the ground, with several  
black holes surronded by blood in his body.  
  
I headed into the kitchen, when the master chef spotted me. He took out a frying pan and I grabbed  
a knife. We were soon simulating a medieval "swords vs. shields" game, unfortunatly the shield wasn't  
a good offensive attack, and the chef hit the ground with his face sliced open. I headed to the door on  
the opposite side of the kitchen. It was an elevator, the door openned, revealing the fellow that gave  
me the gauss rifle. He looked pissed, and aimed his newly found blaster at my head. I swiftly wielded my  
gauss rifle and openned fire. The bullets travelled at light speed, each when ripping a secretion of the  
fat fools body off. As he fell to the ground, he yelled "OH SHIT THAT WAS SMARTS!"  
  
I was about to enter the elevator when the chef I had sliced got up. Blood covered his face. He aimed  
his blaster at me and yelled "YOU NO LIKE FOOD? FOOD NO LIKE YOU!". What was with all the retards  
in this mansion? I promptly blew the chefs head off with my shotgun, and headed up to the top floor in  
the elevator.  
  
---  
  
On a throne was Freeza's clone, surronding him were body guards. Before I could say anything the guards  
openned fire. I did a barrel roll and we exchanged bullets. They screamed out words no fragile prince  
ears should hear, and fell to the ground. Freeza's clone got up and revealed a grenade launcher on its arm.  
My shotgun could handle this. As Freeza was about to launch a grenade, I put a shell right in the launcher.  
The entire arm exploded. Freeza's fingers in the other hand turned into long claws, and he lashed at me.  
  
I jumped over him and from behind punched him in the back and wacked his back with my shotgun. Freeza fell  
to the ground, his back broken. As he struggled to get up, I went to the nearby cooler, and got a few budwiesers.  
With my shotgun in one hand, a budweiser in the other, and a Bud Light on my lip, I turned Freeza's back into  
raw meat with the help of 12 gauge slugs. Freeza flipped around, and I grilled the other side too. Satisfied, I  
flew out of the mansion, launched a kiblast at it, and headed home.  
  
---  
  
THE END 


End file.
